Setting Goals

As much as I love writing, I don’t do it nearly enough. Work and motherhood always get the upper hand and I chalk my excuses up to that and call it a day. But what good is it, for me, if I let my creativity die for nothing?

Well, I can’t have that! So, instead of finding more excuses to come up with, I decided to join this blogging 201 sort of class to keep my scatter brained butt on track.

I’m setting goals people! I’m setting goals for myself, and more specifically so, for where I want my blogging to take me.

I’ve always thought of my blog as a series of adventures that I’ve gone on and shared with the world. It’s never the same story twice and there’s always a different feel to it. I feel like I collect my memories on a shelf there and I place them inside glass balls for everyone else to see; whether it be bad or good. There was never a specific reason as to why I created my blog other than the simple fact that I love to write and I’ve always seen myself as an open book. I’ve always felt that I wanted to share a piece of myself with the world. Pieces that could only be seen and heard through words. So, in order to keep that dream alive and kicking I’m going to have to make some things happen:

1. Blog/write, at minimum, twice a week to create a steady habit for myself and to keep my creative juices flowing and nurtured.

2. Actually gain about 100 consistent readers and receive actual feedback from “regulars” I want to acquire regulars.

3. Interacting. I’ve got to get better at it. I’m going to interact with 5 people/bloggers minimum during the week.

Trying to keep up with this isn’t gonna be a slice of Apple pie or anything, but it’s certainly well worth it! I’m gonna make this happen. Let’s DO THIS!

If I Could Have Your Attention…

I somehow only feel my best whenever I decide to creatively inspire myself. Not a bad route to take if I must say so, and it’s a much better alternative rather than saying something like I only feel my best when I’m smoking crack–which I don’t, I’m just using an extreme example. I’m constantly looking for and finding ways to stretch my creativity so I can in turn inspire others to want to find their own.

I stumbled upon a blog post that shared the thoughts of this mom and author, Lucy H. Pearce, who undoubtedly intrigued and moved me to want to participate in her really cool blogging carnival. She’s releasing a new book called “The Rainbow Way: Cultivating Creativity in the Midst of Motherhood” and I can’t say she didn’t catch my attention. I just discovered all of this today so, I don’t have too much information on everything but I will post links for anyone who wants to check her out or sign up for the carnival–I did.

carnival

Cultivating Creativity is the blog about Lucy and some info on the book she’ll be releasing and you can go here to sign up for the blogging carnival–which I’d suggest for any mom who’s interested in writing and up for being creatively inspired.

I’ve sat in bed for at least 2 hours now reading, writing, and listening to music. You’d think I’d get my butt up and do something else, but what else? There’s nothing better than being able to be at home during the weekend knowing there’s no real responsibility that you have to worry about other than simply enjoying yourself. We should probably petition for 3 day weekends–no work on Monday’s, let’s have the week start on Tuesday’s; nobody hates Tuesday.

Needless to say, I literally would sit here for hours upon hours only writing and listening to the Dave Matthews Band–they too, also happen to be one of my top favorite bands; number one actually–but then I’d probably be upset with the fact that I stayed holed up in the house all day. Who am I kidding? I’m definitely not going to be upset. If anything, I’ll continue to stay holed up in the house all day eating popcorn and catching up on all the shows I’ve missed during the busy work week. Let me list them for you!

We’ve got:

  • Vampire Diaries
  • Reign
  • The Originals (I’ve already watched this weeks episode, but it was too good to not re-watch)

That’s probably only a good 2 hrs worth of TV time, which isn’t so bad. I do need to be sure that there’s plenty of popcorn though. I’m almost certain I’ll be having a little person joining me for the festivities!

I really do hope that you guy’s check out the links I posted this time around! You won’t regret it! Enjoy the weekend and all the holidays that are coming up. I’m way too stoked!

 

Gracious

I’ve always said that I’m better with words, as far as writing what I feel and need to say because my head and heart can become so overwhelmed. I’m writing this one for you. And maybe it’s more for myself–because there’s plenty I’ve wanted to say–but instead of being able to speak these words to you, I’d choke on them, second guessing my thoughts and what needed to be expressed. You don’t have to do that when you write. Once you put them down, they’re there for good; to stay.

It was a song that brought all this on–you know how I am about music–it’s called “Promise” by Ben Howard. You could look for it, but knowing you, I’ll either have to send it to you via text or post it for you. It never bothers me anyhow.

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I’ve been thinking a lot, about everything that’s happened between us in a not so short period of time. Sometimes it’s confusing and other times it’s a bit remorseful; knowing that I was so happy and content with you in the place we were in and no longer being there now. 

I came to a weird realization. The reason I can’t be angry about the situation–because believe me, I’d much rather be angry; it’d be easier–is because I came to care for you so much and so intensely. When I felt that what we had was compromised by something I couldn’t control, it tore me apart. What I feel now, aren’t emotions of anger or hatred. It’s hurt and loss, and I hurt because I felt that I’d lost you. Crazy as it may seem, I could sense exactly when you pulled away from me. It was like getting bad phone reception–when everything gets cut into half sentences and you can’t understand what the other person is trying to convey.

I came to understand you–too clearly–in such an extraordinary way that it seemed to have both of us in a daze. It’s nothing I regret; telling you exactly about yourself. Someone had to reassure you of all those unnecessary doubts.

Maybe that’s what this was all about, ya know? Maybe we tried to take something that wasn’t meant for forever–something that was only temporary–and tried to make it something it wasn’t supposed to be. Crappy realization isn’t it? But that doesn’t make it horrible. I think we crossed paths purposely; for a reason. I think, you needed to remember how to be content with yourself, to regain your self assurance. Maybe you lost it somewhere along the harder paths you’ve gone down, but I wanted you to remember. You had so much that you were dealing with and I could see how hard it was for you to deal with those things, to come to realizations that made you unhappy. I saw you overcome some of those things as well though, and if there had to be any reward in all of this, that would be it. I think you found yourself in a place that made you happy, and honestly, that’s all I wanted.

Whatever you choose to do, be sure that it makes you happy. Don’t let yourself recoil back to the same dark places that you fought to get out of, because that’s exactly what you did; you fought to bring yourself where you are now.

Always chase your dreams, even though you’re doubtful of your true talent, you have a gift. [:

Don’t be so afraid to show people that you’re genuinely a good person. I know you’ve got your walls built around you–and for good reason–but I think I’ve learned myself that we can’t always assume that there are people who want to hurt us, that there’s still plenty of good people, and we still have those who truly do love and care for us.

“Cause I, adore you so. When it all comes clear–the wind is settled–I’ll be here, you know.”

 

Because I Couldn’t Go to Sleep…

You know those nights when, for whatever reason, you just can not get to sleep? Sometimes because something is bothering or pestering you, or maybe like me, you’ve become instantly inspired at the most random time ever. I’ll choose to blame the previous conversation I just had with a certain person and some of the most amazing music I’ve ever opened my ears to that’s got these hands of mine typing away like a maniac.

Inspiration is amazing, but the tricky part about it is that it’s still just a bunch of jumbled passionate thoughts you want to express. Being organized was never my strongest trait. I’ve got a little skill to it, but don’t count on me to do any heavy filing or closet cleaning, just saying.

The point of this post is that it has no point, and that my friends is the beauty of this. To be able to freely write whatever I feel on my mind in this moment, to express with you what I feel at this very time, is something that becomes not only liberating for me, but intimate as well. 1:40 am and I have no real destination or purpose for this piece of writing except to just release. Didn’t we talk about that last time guys, being able to find your release in something? Obviously, mine is writing and so, here I am.

I was told tonight, by someone who I didn’t think I’d genuinely hear it from, that I was actually good at this writing bit. That may seem such a simple thing to be told, because shouldn’t everyone already have confidence in themselves that they’re good at what they love to do? Well, not really for everybody. Everyone has their self doubts of course, as I have mine. I always knew I really liked to write but I never saw or envisioned myself as an actual “writer” until maybe just recently. This wasn’t the first time that I’d been told by someone that I have a knack for this writing thing, and if I’m going to be quite frank with you here, it most certainly gave me a confidence boost that I’d certainly been lacking. 

“Darling you’re with me, always around me. Give me shelter, or show me heart. Come on love. Watch me fall apart, only love.” -Ben Howard, Only Love.

(Love, love, love that song right now, and that man–pure genius, although it has nothing to do with anything I’ve written thus far.)

Breathe

Sometimes I wonder why I can’t seem to understand people who do things that are rendered stupid and ridiculous to me. I seem to think they’ve lost the ability to think with common sense and then I realize that I’m grateful that I don’t understand them or their actions, because would that not make me too just as stupid and ridiculous as them?

I’ve always heard it told that “actions speak louder than words,” and my-oh-my how loud actions can truly scream a very certain and specific message. Always think things through before you decide that something, which may not seem like such a big deal for you, isn’t trivial to the other person’s perception. For instance, don’t assume that just because you haven’t talked to or communicated with your best friend or significant other for a week that they’ll just let it easily blow on by, especially if there’s usually always a steady flow of communication with you two. I’d assume that the person on the other end of this situation would think that one was being ignored or hidden from something. Maybe I’m wrong, just going out on a limb there. Anyhow, I’ve seemed to have lost myself in thought there for a brief moment, but isn’t that quite alright, because who’ve I to impress in the first place.

With all that being said, I’d just like for it to be known that, I’m not a foolish girl. We as women, fortunately and unfortunately have this wonderful gift we were blessed with, it’s called intuition. We happen to perceive what’s going on around us usually before it’s fully manifested, and I’m pretty sure I’ve got a good grip of what’s going on here. Not that anything needs to be made an ordeal of it but, I am rather peeved with the situation. You just continue to deal with yourself in the manner you feel is best for you though, I won’t dare stop you from that.

I realize, sometimes things are better left the way they’ve happened to play out, because maybe someone who’s hanging out upstairs is watching out for you and generally knows what’s best. That’s the only way I can usually find solace in knowing or trying to understand why people have done the things they have, whether it be to myself or someone else. I tend to, as any human would, get so emotionally stirred about personal matters and small things that I can’t control. I truly think, we’ve got to understand that unpleasant things will happen to us, and that people will hurt us and try to break us. We get to choose how we cope with all of that though, and that’s the beauty of free will. No person, has control over your emotions or your life except yourself. Of course, it won’t be easy, but then again that’s why God invented this really cool thing called prayer. I know for a fact, that some of the things I’ve personally had to go through in my life could have destroyed me had I not turned to Him with every single burden and depressing aspect of my life at the time. Constantly, I have to take time and sit alone and release every heavy thing on my heart and give it to Him. It feels hard to do at times, because we like to keep our issues strong, but why, when you don’t have to.

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I receive daily devotionals from an app called Word powered by @pocketfuel (they’re instagram account) and this was the one for today.

Ezekiel 37:13 (MSG) I’ll breathe my life into you and you’ll live. 

It talked about how Ezekiel was give a vision by God of a valley of dry bones that were so dead, there was no trace of life in them. Until the Spirit of God breathed on them, and bone by bone, the became a strong and mighty army that was very much alive. The breath of God carries the spark of life and He gives that to us.

You see, I can’t simply choose to let such simple and unimportant situations, that may hurt for only a while, set me back from what I was meant to do, and that’s to live. To be what I was destined to be and to fulfill a purpose that I was created for. Don’t let people, or situations caused by people stagnate your life or compel you to forget that you were blessed with it.

Starting Off Slow: Mini Bio about Myself

I’m gunna tell you the truth. I suck at trying to start a story, paragraph, conversation, or anything really to make it sound interesting enough to keep anyone’s attention span for longer than 2 minutes. Hence the start to this blog. I’ve come to realize that sometimes instead of trying so hard to organize my thoughts into consecutive subjects it’s much more satisfying to just let all the jumbled thoughts in my head pour out they way they’re originally formed up there in the first place.

Oh my goodness! I just realized I’ve written myself a thesis statement on accident. (nerd alert)

With that being said, why don’t we start off with the basics:

  • I’m 21 years old and the mother to who I’m pretty sure is the best kid ever. Her name is Aliyah, she’s 19 months old (yeah I know, I know, 1 and a half. Ta-may-tow tah-mah-tow), and she is absolutely and positively my whole world.
  • I’m the oldest of three; Jessica’s 18 and Jamee’s 15.
  • Both of my parents are still together and have been for 20-something plus years.
  • I’m the epitome of what you’d call a family oriented person. I can’t help it, it’s just how I was raised. Blame it on my parents.
  • I also happen to have this boyfriend, who also happens to be the father of my child. We did things pretty backwards: random hook-up, got pregnant, had a baby together, and then decided that “Hey! We like each other! We should date!”. So when all of my friends decide that we’re “Sooo adorably cute together!”, that’s the strategy plan I give them, in that exact order. Of course I’m kidding. I just happen to be very blessed to have things work out the way that they have so far. It’s definitely been a lot more complicated than I lead on, but that’s another story for another day.
  • My favorite color is purple.
  • I have a thing for art, animals, nature, and saving the planet.
  • I may not look like one, but I definitely have the soul of a hippie.
  • I’ve actually always been interested in writing and I had intended on that being my major when I left for my first year of college. As it turns out though, I realized I had a greater passion for working with kids and I changed my major to early childhood education. Yet, for some reason lately, I’ve just had this horrible urge (I kinda wanna call it a nudge, like a push ya know?) to really just write, and nothing in particular, just whatever comes to mind and just go with the flow of things.

So that’s what I’m doing here, starting a blog to see where it  takes me; a journey if you will.