If My Life Were A Playlist

When someone asks you what your favorite song is or takes an interest in the genre of music you listen to, let’s not kid ourselves, we get a little giddy and excited. Music is one of those universal things that will always bring people together no matter the differences, and when someone is genuinely interested we feel like we get to open ourselves up without fear or judgment and share a part of ourselves that can’t be spoken because it’s only expressed through the instrumentals and voices of others.

I’ve always taken to music for any aspect or situation in my life. If you want to know my hobbies and interests I’m going to tell you, without even having to think, art and music. The creative soul that lives inside my flesh knows without a doubt that the two go hand in hand, intertwining each other to bring the same result of an equation I’m always searching for the answer to.

Because music is so revolutionary and profound it has a way of touching people. Sometimes you aren’t expecting it, and to me that’s the best way to be touched; not expecting it or realizing what’s happening. You only know what you feel in that moment and your soul becomes so full. Sometimes that’s the only way to explain it. Those are the songs you never forget, the ones that you hold with you until the end of everything, because to you they are everything. I have a small handful, but today I’m going to share three of those songs with you guys. Maybe you’ll take an interest yourself and open up a whole new world in the universe of music to discover. That’d be the best thing I could wish for anyone!

•Fix You|Coldplay
I can’t tell you that it’s a happy memory or feelings that this song gives me, but instead a feeling of release. When I was 15 years old I lost my cousin and very best friend in a very tragic kind if way. I was so young, confused, and hurt with physical and spiritual pain that I don’t think I fully understood how to deal with it. After weeks of crying and sitting in my room alone with thoughts that only brought more tears and sorrow, I came across an MP3 player that had been hers while we were in high school together. As I’m flipping through all of the songs I see the song by Coldplay. I remember kidding with her saying that no one listened to this band because they weren’t as cool as all the other pop sensations at the time. But this time, I plugged in my headphones, fool a seat in the middle of my room on the floor and wept while I listened to the words of this song. It was about being found even though you felt hopelessly lost, about someone being there with a light on to guide you out of the darkness. For me, that’s what that song was: being able to release and find a sense of healing. She sent me that song in the exact time that I needed it.

•Strawberry Swing|Coldplay
This song in particular was with me when I was pregnant with my first baby girl, Aliyah. I was only 19 years old when pregnant with her and it wasn’t an easy path to travel. Feeling alone in everything I had to go through, that song was my reminder that what I was dealing with didn’t matter for the sake of myself, that it was all for her. No matter what it looked or felt like, I wanted to always be her hero; the person she could turn to despite any circumstance. This song kept me in a place of self-assurance. For that, I am in love with every word.

•Sparks|Coldplay
Ironically, while writing out these songs, I was actually unaware that all three of them would be by Coldplay but, here we are. Every song that held an ounce of importance to me came from these guys.

I realized I was in love when I first heard this song. I had no idea that I even was until that day when he asked me to listen to it and I realized it was everything we were. Being in love was a cliché but it was the best, and here was this song that put us into words that we couldn’t say ourselves.

Music has always been everything for me and it’s always been with me.

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Good Music=Here

Well, tonight’s post won’t be very long on account of I feel like complete and utter crap. I’m actually wondering how fast I can type this up so I can get back to writing in my misery. My sister mentioned that a stomach bug is going around; pretty sure I have it.

Since I don’t have any specifics to talk about with you guy’s tonight I’m going to post a super lovely song that’s been in my head all day today. It’ll possibly give you chills and put you in your feelings, but that’s not always a bad thing ya know. Any feedback on how you guys enjoyed the song would be awesome! Maybe it’ll make me feel better too! [:

Be honest, and tell me how many of you don’t actually get teary eyed. Seriously!

Shattered Screens and Secret Santa

Holy Jesus, I’m about to let myself hit the 2 day mark for missing a post during NaBloPoMo! I can NOT let this happen. Of course I wait until the last minute in the day to write something, but better late than never I’ve always heard them say!

Yesterday was the second time that I missed a post for this month, and that was only because my daddy pressured me into watching “The Heat” with him, which most evidently was hilarious, so I don’t have too many regrets there. I do want to keep myself in the habit of writing enough every day that I don’t even think about it anymore, I’ll just do it! Also, I’d like for everyone to make note of the fact that it is a tad bit complicated finding the perfect amount of time in a day where I work for 8 hrs and then coming home to a rowdy 2 year old (awesome is another good adjective to use as well, but rowdy is the one that causes me the most trouble) It gets a little crazy for me every now and then.

Let’s see what’s been going on these past few days:

  • Completely shattered my iPhone 5’s screen yesterday morning trying to rush into the door for work so I wouldn’t be late. Being on time totally wasn’t worth it. At all.
  • Also happened to break my favorite necklace the same night, which brought me to wondering if there was some bad omen I was supposed to be sensing. Hopefully not.
  • Today was my mom’s birthday, and I’m crappy enough of a daughter to not have gotten her a birthday gift because all of my bills, plus the shortage in my check from this pay period wouldn’t allow it. Sucked. It’s one of those times when I get to thinking “Does there come a point in time when certain things that used to be so important are no longer worth being important anymore? Do we just pick ourselves up and move forward because that’s the way it is?” Hmmm.
  • Electric Feel by MGMT will always always put me in an awesome mood, and I automatically think of my best friend Jaybren. Thought you all should know.
  • We drew names at my job today for Secret Santa. I’m probably one of the few overly excited employees who will take this Santa business waaaayy out of hand, but who cares? It’s freaking Christmas, and everyone deserves to be happy and cheerful! It’s my favorite holiday also, so, I’m a little biased about the whole situation.
  • I decided that Applebee’s is not worth half the money I spend there, and I should be more interested in making healthier decisions.

Gracious

I’ve always said that I’m better with words, as far as writing what I feel and need to say because my head and heart can become so overwhelmed. I’m writing this one for you. And maybe it’s more for myself–because there’s plenty I’ve wanted to say–but instead of being able to speak these words to you, I’d choke on them, second guessing my thoughts and what needed to be expressed. You don’t have to do that when you write. Once you put them down, they’re there for good; to stay.

It was a song that brought all this on–you know how I am about music–it’s called “Promise” by Ben Howard. You could look for it, but knowing you, I’ll either have to send it to you via text or post it for you. It never bothers me anyhow.

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I’ve been thinking a lot, about everything that’s happened between us in a not so short period of time. Sometimes it’s confusing and other times it’s a bit remorseful; knowing that I was so happy and content with you in the place we were in and no longer being there now. 

I came to a weird realization. The reason I can’t be angry about the situation–because believe me, I’d much rather be angry; it’d be easier–is because I came to care for you so much and so intensely. When I felt that what we had was compromised by something I couldn’t control, it tore me apart. What I feel now, aren’t emotions of anger or hatred. It’s hurt and loss, and I hurt because I felt that I’d lost you. Crazy as it may seem, I could sense exactly when you pulled away from me. It was like getting bad phone reception–when everything gets cut into half sentences and you can’t understand what the other person is trying to convey.

I came to understand you–too clearly–in such an extraordinary way that it seemed to have both of us in a daze. It’s nothing I regret; telling you exactly about yourself. Someone had to reassure you of all those unnecessary doubts.

Maybe that’s what this was all about, ya know? Maybe we tried to take something that wasn’t meant for forever–something that was only temporary–and tried to make it something it wasn’t supposed to be. Crappy realization isn’t it? But that doesn’t make it horrible. I think we crossed paths purposely; for a reason. I think, you needed to remember how to be content with yourself, to regain your self assurance. Maybe you lost it somewhere along the harder paths you’ve gone down, but I wanted you to remember. You had so much that you were dealing with and I could see how hard it was for you to deal with those things, to come to realizations that made you unhappy. I saw you overcome some of those things as well though, and if there had to be any reward in all of this, that would be it. I think you found yourself in a place that made you happy, and honestly, that’s all I wanted.

Whatever you choose to do, be sure that it makes you happy. Don’t let yourself recoil back to the same dark places that you fought to get out of, because that’s exactly what you did; you fought to bring yourself where you are now.

Always chase your dreams, even though you’re doubtful of your true talent, you have a gift. [:

Don’t be so afraid to show people that you’re genuinely a good person. I know you’ve got your walls built around you–and for good reason–but I think I’ve learned myself that we can’t always assume that there are people who want to hurt us, that there’s still plenty of good people, and we still have those who truly do love and care for us.

“Cause I, adore you so. When it all comes clear–the wind is settled–I’ll be here, you know.”

 

101 Vultures; Not Dalmations

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The very first time I ever heard this song, oh my gosh, I almost thought Alex Winston herself had reached insisde the very core of my soul, took the feelings of pain and distrust I’ve ever had towards anyone and put them into this ridiculously, beautifully, mesmerizing melody of regret.

Every single lyric is so sharp and biting–definitely not meant for those who are easily offended. She speaks so clearly of how disappointed and let down she is by this person.

“We could have done better, we should have done better.”

“My God, it’s so perverted, to call yourself a legend.”

“I’d never met a hero, who would leave you in the trenches”

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She has no regrets in being harsh about how she’s chosen to handle the situation and even goes on to let this person know that they’re no different from all of the other disappointments she’s dealt with–they’re all the same 

“And I don’t mean to be so crass about the situation, but it’s easier than breaking down…in a sea of mother fuckers, man, you were no salvation.”

(Like I said, not for the easily offended.)

Regardless, Alex Winston has made this masterpiece of a song and I couldn’t help sharing it with everyone else.

This Really Didn’t Have a Title

I’m starting to feel like NaBloPoMo is becoming a sort of diary entry for everyday. Is that weird? It’s probably because I’m not used of actually making myself take time to sit and write about something. Regardless, I’ve nothing to complain about, and I will continue to post something for every single last day in this month, and hopefully even after that.

Sitting in my room and I’ve been graced with the presence of a riled up 2 year old and my 16 year old baby sister. The scene is pretty chaotic, but in the most glorious chaos you can think of. That’s what we function on; chaos. It’s perfectly normal to have Aliyah running around with markers coloring everything in sight, including your bedspread, all whilst having someone yell up the stairs and someone else holding a phone conversation with two different people. No one misses a beat, not even me, and I’m so grateful for all the awesome crazy we share with each other.

The Originals came on tonight at 7pm, and thank God for DVR because I definitely would have missed it by now. Point is, it’s my current obsession and it’s the only thing I look forward to early on in the week. Monday’s may suck, but Tuesdays, Tuesdays are magical.

“There are fights for being my best friend and the girls get their claws out. Something about hanging out with the wicked kids”

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What a musical little genius that Lorde is. She’s adorably cute and completely admirable for being only 16 with such meaningful and artistic lyrics.

Pretty sure I’m out of thoughts to share with you guys! It’s dang near 9:00–I’ve got to do something more productive other than writing my NaBloPoMo post.