Pulling Myself Together

I awoke to an already dark and gloomy day this morning. It seemed fitting for the mood I’ve been in this past week or so, but somehow it was still extremely disappointing. I definitely could have used a bit of bright sunshine to lift my spirits, but somehow already knowing that things never go the way we want them to, I accept the reality of it and somehow continue on with my day.

I sit, and consistently do the same repetitive transactions over and over again. I should walk in circles. For the most part I don’t want to be bothered. I really just want to be left alone with my thoughts so I can mull over all of the mess I’m going through.

Now, as much as I’d like to be happy, sometimes, it’s a little more difficult to bring yourself into the swing of things. I listen to music, because maybe that’ll help. Except, not really, it just makes me even more sad. Matter of fact, I sat in my car for a little longer than usual before coming back to work from lunch. You know what I did? I cried. I freaking cried, but just a few tears here and there, none of that hysterical bawling type of mess. I wouldn’t have been able to face myself had I let myself go that far.

Is a person really supposed to let themselves be so honest?

Regardless, I think it’s about time I’ve pulled myself together. Sure, be upset for a little while. Allow myself to feel the pain of what I’m dealing with, but at some point–like right now–I’ve got to pull it together and continue to move forward. This bad mood has been settling with me for a day too long and I’m ready to be rid of it.

It’s November, and while everyone is taking time to appreciate what they’re thankful for or are writing their novels for NaNoWriMo, I’m going to take time to say that I’m thankful for good people. Even though I’d want to admit there aren’t that many left, the truth of it is that there are plenty of people who still have good hearts. Today I had a member tell me to “Smile, you have a beautiful smile, and have a good day! Even though it looks gloomy outside!” Seems like it shouldn’t be that big of deal right? In a simple way it was though. Here I was mulling over all of the negative things I was dealing with and here comes this random person who didn’t have to say a single nice thing to me, yet he chose to, and in turn, gave me a completely different outlook on the rest of my day.

Maybe I can’t make everything go exactly the way I want it to, but I can decide to still be a positive person. To still smile and let the good outweigh the bad, because it does.

 

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